There's a lot I don't talk about online. It's not that I'm not an open book. It's just that I share my story with so many others, it's not all mine to tell. Just know that every life has its pain. Call me crazy, but I think the best lives have the deepest cuts and darkest moments. A life always lived in "the middle" without pain, and loss, has most likely also not experienced the deepest passions, truest loves, and heights of senses. You never get lost if you never go on an adventure. You never have your heart broken if you never give it away.
But sometimes.... Sometimes in the midst of the dark moments, you realize that what you are really, REALLY sad about isn't the hurt of the moment, but the regret of what you traded in for it. It's the chances we don't take. It's the courage we didn't have. It's the part of us we sacrificed for someone else who didn't value what you sacrificed.
And there's no one else to blame. No one.
I was randomly watching a youtube video today about art and creative entrepreneurial endeavors. The moment I heard the man's voice, I knew the message was for me. The video was great. Encouraging. Motivating. Connecting. But this quote.... This quote literally sucked the breath from my lungs. Or... did it breath it back in? Somewhere deep inside I have felt like I was drowning for a long while now. A few times, I thought I was rescued. I thought things were better than ever. I thought everything was going to be ok. Then, the sunshine slipped further and further away as I was pulled deeper under than the last time. I was scrambling. Holding my breath. Screaming silently. Scratching and scrounging for the surface. I knew no one was rescuing me. I knew I was accountable for my part in the shipwreck. I knew the most important people in my life were looking to me.
When I heard this quote... I knew. It's time.